I heard on the news today that South Carolina (USA) is the latest state to cancel in-person schools for the rest of the academic year. I also heard the collective sigh of parents across the U.S. trying to figure out how to balance their homes being offices, schools, movie theaters, restaurants, dog parks, houses, and sometimes even doctors' offices.
I'm going to start this by telling you: I don't have human children. I'm not going to pretend to understand what parents are experiencing right now. I do, however, have lots of friends all over the United States who have children from age 3 months-old to 25+ years-old. These parents post their experiences and frustrations on social media, and I take notice.
You may have seen the same posts I have; or at least the same theme. Some are funny. Some are frustrating. Some make me glad I only have dogs.
But just because I'm honoring our stay-home order in a house with only my husband and our dogs, I'm going to share some thoughts on keeping your cool when you are seeing the same people in the same setting, all day, every day.
Keep a Schedule
Even though we don't have children, we still believe in keeping a schedule. I'm not that high-strung, I promise, I just know that my husband needs routine while he's home. I have worked from home before so all this home time isn't bothering me much. We have kept our weedays on our "normal" weekday schedule of getting up, taking the dogs to daycare, starting work, stopping for meals, doing chores around the house. We go to bed at our normal "school-night" time and get up "for work" at the same time as we used to. It helps us tremendously. It helps our dogs, to be honest, to have their schedule, too. Friends have told me that they are staying up later, sleeping more, eating mindlessly, and are generally feeling more out of sorts. Schedules may seem boring but in this time when the month of March seemed to be 93 days long and most days start by asking, 'What day is it?' on your first conference call of the day, they are so important to keep grounded during this unreal time.
Editor's Note: If you have a toddler, you are likely laughing at this "schedule" nonsense. You should be. Toddlers live by their own rules, which change every hour.
Share Home Responsibilites
My former boss and his wife have this stay-home stuff perfected. Seriously. They are taking this time to have fun with their two middle-schoolers and their two dogs. They have "PE class" together most days, go on nature walks to do photography during "art class," and share meal-making responsibilities throughout the week. I asked my boss if he would rent out his daughter to teach me how to cook after I saw pictures of a remarkable seafood dish she made. I'm sure they still bicker about taking care of the pets or putting away laundry, but making required online learning entertaining and dividing day-to-day chores so they aren't falling on just one or two people helps everyone, ok helps busy parents, cope a little better. Ultimately, if that means fewer meltdowns, it will make this unexpected forced-family time a little more bareable.
A dear friend of mine has a family date night every week with his wife and two children. They have a wheel where they each got to put two of their favorite every-day type restaurants. They added a couple of spinner's choice spaces and that's how they pick where they are going to enjoy their date night meal. They've continued to do a modified version of this during the pandemic, just switching to places that are either doing takeaway or delivery. That's their quarantine indulgance -- and it keeps a sense of normalcy at a time when my friend is working from home, the kids are learning online, and his wife is furloughed. Maybe your indulgance is getting an ice cream cake at the grocery store or renting a first-run movie from your TV. Whatever it is, try to celebrate being together at least once per week.
Most states' stay-at-home orders don't prevent you from going outside, even to public and state parks. Now is a great time to do yard work, plant your garden, wash the outside of your home's windows, or just walk around! For the record, I'm not advocating outside play dates with the neighborhood kids or a pick-up game of basketball at the community courts -- I'm talking activities that get you outside, gets you away from a screen, the couch. and/or the news. A change of landscape could do a world of good. My best friend in NYC has been on lockdown, arguably the strictest in the United States, for about 10 weeks. For those people who have never lived in or visited NYC, it is not designed for staying in your apartment all the time. Trust me. I lived there for eight years. Apartments are small, kitchens are tiny and have appliances and cabinetry that barely will hold enough food for a few meals. There are thousands of restaurants because New Yorkers eat on the run. They are in packed buses and subways multiple times per day. Add to all that activity my very outgoing BFF. Not a good combo. When I asked how she was coping she told me that going out for a run or long walk is what keeps her sane. She said that she trys to go outside -- in full compliance of all NYC regulations -- at least once per day. She keeps those outings purposeful and focused.
Of course, please check your local regulations, follow all precautions, and wear protective equipment -- and only go out if you are not testing positive, waiting for test results, or are immunocompromised.
Find Ways to Help Others - as a Family
My former roommate's wife is not only kind and caring, she's hella crafty, too. They live in New York (state, not city) so their stay-at-home order started a little earlier than most. As soon as the PPE shortages were announced, she started a family production line for cloth masks. Even though she has two teenagers, she was able to get everyone together for a few hours per day to churn out masks and deliver them to local healthcare facilities. Not only were they doing something together, and filling their days with something other than YouTube and Netflix, they were doing their parts to help their community. If sewing isn't your thing, how about volunteering at the food bank or offering to foster an animal to help your local animal shelter? I know a friend who goes on hikes with her family -- and have decided to clean up the trails that they hike each weekend by picking up trash, cleaning up the path ammenities, and moving path hazards.
If all else fails, focus on what you can focus on. I'm a big fan of a checklist (see photo above) that a friend posted on Facebook to keep in line and continue to do as much as I'm capable of right now.
I see more and more pictures of stitchers with their stitching buddies - cats, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs (you know who you are!), and more. As someone who generally prefers pets over people, I love these photos. Love them. They warm my heart.
Then I talked to a friend whose sweet little dog swallowed one of her cross-stitch needles.
As you can imagine, she was panicked. Luckily, her pup was fine, after a trip to the emergency vet and surgery to remove the offending needle. But it scared my friend shitless.
So I got to thinking about all the things we work with while stitching that can be dangerous to our furry and feathered friends.
That's the obvious one. They are so easy to lose - even with needle minders or what I scientifically call the "couch arm method" (jamming it into the arm of whatever chair you're in!). I have dropped my needle so many times and only found it when it stabbed me in the flesh. Now imagine if your fuzzy friend found it first. Curious kitties may get one lodged in their paws. Nosy pups could swallow that needle, just like my friend's dog did.
Injuries could run from a benign poke in the paw to complex surgery or worse.
While those magnetic cuties may be helpful while stitching, they could be dangerous for your pet. Those little magnets can be swallowed and called all sorts of digestive havoc. "While even one magnet can cause problems, such as obstruction and/or irritation of an animal’s digestive tract, the real danger happens when two or more magnets are swallowed by a curious, mischievous, or otherwise wayward pet," preventivevet.com reports.
I'm not positive, but I am pretty sure that the internet was made for cute cat videos, especially kittens playing with string. You may still think it's cute to taunt your pet with your floss, seeing them swat at it as you dangle it in front of their curious faces. Just stop there. In doing some research on PetMD, I learned that an animal swallowing string, yarn, floss, or twine is called swallowing a linear foreign body. It can be incredibly dangerous for your fur baby to swallow long lengths of floss and it may be instinctual to immediately try to pull it out of their mouths. Don't! Take your pet to the vet immediately so it can be removed safely.
No shit, it can be dangerous to your pet. Many fabrics have dyes or fabric stiffener that, if ingested, can be harmful to your pet. It can also be dangerous for your pet to eat and swallow your fabric -- not just because it could cause tummy issues or gastric obstruction -- but you would likely get pretty angry if they used your fabric as a chew toy!
Any Small Do-Dad
OK, this is a bit of a catch-all but there are so many little thingies that we use during our stitching -- clips, organizational accessories, stretchers, threaders, bobbins, and so, so much more (she says as she looks at the loads of stitch-related stuff around her). There are so many things to swallow, chew on, lick -- heck, even floss conditioner that is 100% beeswax could upset your pet's GI system (though it is not 100% toxic for dogs and cats).
Let's face it, your nosy pet is gonna be in your stitching business -- just be sure to watch what they are doing when you have your stash out and try not to tease them with your supplies so they aren't tempted to dip into your project bag like it was their toy box!
Depending on where you live, you have been following stay-at-home orders for a few weeks...or more. We've covered ways to keep moving while you are staying home and how to cope during the quarantine.
Now I want to cover how you can help others...if you are able.
Seriously, just stay the fuck home. We're stitchers...so stitch if you have the mojo to do so. I've heard several people say they have lost their stitching and crafting groove since this hit. That's OK, too, but just stay home. If not for yourself, for the others who you may encounter if you are unneccessarily out and about.
If you must go out, practice physical distancing, wear a mask, don't take, as a family friend used to say, "the whole fam damnly" with you. Respect others and especially respect the service workers who are risking their own health to make sure you have access to fresh food, medication, and other essentials.
And speaking of essentials -- I'm not going to tell you what is essential to you but think very carefully before choosing to go out for comfort items, including stitching supplies. For some, they can be essential because stitching helps soothe the effects of depression and anxiety. That's cool. Shopping for a new pair of earrings for yourself...can probably wait.
Support a Food Bank
In the last few weeks, unemployment in the U.S. has skyrocketed and the demand on social support systems has increased substantially, including food banks and free meal providers. If you are able, please consider donating money to a local service that supports those who are food insecure. Not only are the shelves and kitchens of these groups becoming more bare than they are comfortable with, they are facing huge decreases in donations from restaurants, which typically would donate leftover food but aren't open to do that any longer.
COVID-19 doesn't seem like the type of disease that puts stress on a healthcare facility's blood supply, but it is -- for a number of reasons: need for transfusions, fewer blood drives, fewer people coming out to donate blood. All of those factors reduce the inventory in blood banks. I read somewhere that community blood drives are the most effective way for blood banks to build their supply (don't quote me on that). Well, they aren't happening right now; most outreach to get blood donations has been paused indefinitely. To add to that challenge, many smaller communities don't have dedicated blood donation centers for people to visit. It's a perfect storm. Do what you are able to do: vIsit the NHS blood donation site (UK), American Red Cross (US), Australian Red Cross Lifeblood (AU), or Google your country's blood and/or plasma donation services to find a location to donate.
You may have heard of experimental treatments that use plasma from fully recovered COVID-19 patients to treat those still battling the virus. If you fall into the perameters set by your country's health service for the COVID-19 Convalescent Plasma Program, please consider donating plasma. The links above will give you information about donating plasma, as well. Not sure about other countries, but both the U.K. and U.S. have companies that pay donors for plasma donations, which can help replace any income you may have lost due to business closures. One that comes to mind: BioLife.
Connect with Neighbors
This one hits home for me. My mother just turned 84 and she lives alone. Though I have a sibling, I'm my mother's main support person -- but I live 2,400 miles away from her. Not being able to be there for her scares the living shit out of me. I don't want her going out but if she needs something, she doesn't have family close by to help her. Long before the pandemic hit, probably because I'm a worrywort, I created a support network for my mom of her friends and neighbors so they could be my eyes and ears when I couldn't be physically present.
All that said, check in with your neighbors - yes, the people that you likely try to avoid every other time of the year. Mabye they are struggling to make ends meet. Maybe they are immunocompromised and can't go get food for risk of being exposed. Maybe they battle anxiety and depression and are having a hard time making sense of this unbelievable time. There are so many maybes but the bottom line is that we don't know if we don't ask. Sure, some people will brush you off but some may not and it may be the physically distanced contact they needed to get through this safely.
How do you do this without breeching physical distancing and without knowing phone numbers or email addresses? Get creative. Find something that is safely shared, put a note offering your assistance, and ring their doorbell. Consider a plant, hand sanitizer, a hand-made mask, or just a note. Remember what your nana always told you: It's the thought that counts.